40 is Looming — Pandorah's Box

Nov 6

Nov 6 40 is Looming

Never thought I'd write that sentence. For a few reasons. When I was young and stupid and full of AALLLLL the feelings, I never thought I'd 'live to see 30' (so dramatic Jesus), never mind 40!

But, here we are. I turn 40 in December. And while it's not a huge deal, everyone does it (those who are lucky enough to).

I have some thoughts on it.

1. I thought I'd be totally cool with aging graceful. Turns out, I'm not. For one of the first times in my life, I worry about my ass, and the sagging of things, and the everything. Dave always says, "Yeah but you can help those things with exercise". Um. My boobs aren't going to be perky and 20 years younger and beautiful with exercise. No, that requires a boob job (hi I'd do it! Any plastic surgeons out there looking to do a good deed?).

2. I didn't realize how kind of....overlooked you are when you get older. I'm sure 60-year-olds are thinking 'just wait you dumb bitch', and I am sorry! To every old person I may have overlooked in my youth. But holy crap do I ever feel un-cool these days. Now don't fret, IDGAF what anyone thinks of me really, I care what I think of me. And I feel desperately un-cool.

3. One thing I do love about this age though, is how much I DON'T CARE about anything. Like stupid shit. Wow I don't care. And it feels so good not to care. I love that I can laugh at how dumb I can be sometimes because well...brain is almost 40 man. Old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be.

4. I realize that I am at the time in my life where things can like, ACTUALLY go wrong. Not saying they couldn't when I was younger, but mortality and all that fun stuff. I know I'm not old by any means, but that shit becomes a concern. I'm not far away from imminent danger you know. Stop rolling your eyes!

5. Having said all of this, I'm totally still in a position to kick some serious ass. So I will. I'm going to continue to live my life in my own way, with a healthy aversion to authority figures and people telling me what to do. I'm going to keep listening to Nirvana way too loud, and wearing Chucks even though they hurt my feet these days.

And I guess, yay for making it this far?

How did you feel about turning 40, gentle readers?